I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
