we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
