i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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