I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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