After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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