I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The ass gains better be worth it
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