Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
