can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
