Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
