Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
