my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
