Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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