you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
