Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
