You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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