my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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