currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
