After last night, I could never be a politician.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
