I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want nice things and good sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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