she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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