and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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