I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
