I accidentally had phone sex last night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
