his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
