I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
