I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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