i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
