So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
