pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
