is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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