nut hugger
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
