Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
