How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
