Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
