That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
