1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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