actually, I'm a sock model
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
