So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
