She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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