I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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