you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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