a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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