All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We had sex on a dog bed..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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