he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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