The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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