I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
