I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
