I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
