I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
