I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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